February 23, 2010

While the Cat's away...

My husband is in Edmonton on a business trip for a few days. He is not away very often, and we are lucky, as I told my daughter when she was crying about it, some daddies have to be away an awful lot.

When the children were small he went away a lot more than he does with his current job. To be honest, I used to sometimes be relieved to see him go. You see, our marriage is like this, or at least it used to be - we have mellowed over time: He is six years older than I am and our personalities are quite different. Sometimes it feels like he is my boss and I am a slightly wayward employee who works to his expectations for short periods of time between longer periods of living off in my own world with not much to show for it. On the other hand, he sometimes feels like a scolded schoolboy when I get the upper hand in arguments and when he is at the receiving end of one of my 'lectures'. Who knows how opposites attract? In our case I think it must be a question of balancing one another out, because somehow it works.

My very good friend, Toni once said, jokingly, that if she left her husband, it wouldn't be for another man, she'd leave him to be alone. Toni is a writer who works as an editor for a publishing house. She is rather introverted and needs time to think and ponder and formulate. I can't claim to be much of an introvert, but I also value my time alone. While my husband is away, my children are still here so I am not alone very much, except when they are in school. Besides, my boys stay up later than I do. When the children were little, and my husband was away I would enjoy doing things entirely my own way, with no one to question any decision I made, but after a few days of being the sole commander-in-chief I would get tired of it. After all, there was no adult around to bounce things off of, no best friend to get my in-jokes, no one tall to lean on, no one solid to lean against, and I would be so happy and relieved to see him when he got home again, as would the children (who always have been very close to their dad).

My husband called last night from his hotel. He told me they had given him a room with a king-sized bed. I told him he'd better sleep diagonally to get the full benefit - I used to be a terrible bed and blanket hog. Admittedly, I sleep like a log when he is not here. I am not woken up in the night when he gets up to go to the bathroom or when he tosses and turns (he can be a light sleeper), but then again, when he is here and I wake up in the night he is there to reach for - and in our busy lives it is that silent question often asked in the darkness of 'are you here for me?' and the answer, 'yes, I am here to love you always' that provides the glue that keeps us, and our family of six, together. And I am happier for it.


  1. This is so sweet. I love being alone, but when my husband is gone, I am alone with three small children, so it is not really worth it. The up side, if he has to be away, is that I can eat cereal or toast for dinner and save myself some trouble. :)

  2. Yes-yes, but what is the mouse going to do, you did after all begin with a very distinct statement of intent.

  3. I always jokingly tell my husband "how can I miss you, when you don't go away". I'm grateful for alone time, but miss his when he's gone. We too are opposites...

  4. There are certain things missing in my husband's and my lifestyle. Every now and then, I mourn those things. But, with all the misery and illnesses we're witnessing in other couples lives, I come back to being content with our lives as is.
    Sounds like you feel similarly. :)

  5. Oh - that's lovely. That's exactly why it's good to share a bed with someone. Although I with you on sleeping better on my own. When Rog went to St. Petersburg last week, I did really miss him especially as we'd decided only to text cos calls were so expensive, but I didn't miss the way he hogs that mattress. It's a super-kingsize and I still end up with about 3cm on the edge.
    p.s. I've tagged you over at my blog.

  6. In response to the bed thing, my husband has decided that his half of the bed is right down the middle. I don't miss that when he is gone.

  7. Oh thank you everyone for your comments. I love getting comments...

    I read a quote recently that if everyone in the world threw their problems into a pile, with the idea that you could trade for other ones, most people would pick their own right back out again.

    Vince: Okay so you are impatient with my 'chick-lit' post. Hee hee. Well, the mouse used to let everything go for a few days, but now she just carries on as if nothing is different - there is just so much to do, and when she tried to organize the kids into an outing they all had other things to do. She and two of her mouselings just ended up going for a walk on a sunny Sunday afternoon with a stop for chocolate.

  8. you didn't strap on a wing and go paragliding then ?.

  9. Alas, no. But a fair amount of paragliding goes on around here in the summer (though not in our family), interestingly enough. How did you know?

  10. Not a clue did I have about it.
    But, I'm thinking about giving it a try this Summer. So, I was projecting a bit.

    It's the time of year, sort of meah.


I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!