Mastering the Art of Being a Woman

It all started when I did one of those silly online ten-question tests. This one asked "Which Jane Austen character are you?" After anwering the thinly veiled questions as honestly as I could the computer told me I was most like Eleanor Dashwood, the sensible, patiently long-suffering sister in Sense and Sensibility. I laughed. I'm forty and a mother of four. If I hadn't a shred of sense or a good amount of patience after this many years and experiences I might as well throw in the towel now. Twenty years ago my result would likely have been Emma Woodhouse of Emma, who believes she has nothing to learn (until true love teaches her otherwise). As lightly as I took this test result, it did give me cause to wonder if the real differences between women and how they handle their lives' events are merely a matter of where they are in their lives.


My kids rent a lot of movies - even more now that we have gone back to the most basic of cable. I may sit and catch a half hour of the latest comedy, Harry Potter movie, or music documentary with them. Often I even really enjoy the movies they choose, but holidays are the time to catch up on the last few months' releases that truly interest me.


This Christmas holiday I have watched three movies I have rented. One evening, propped up on pillows on my bed I watched The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Besides the stunning 'Alaskan' scenery (not sure it really was Alaska), and a fairly funny scene with Betty White dancing and chanting around a fire in a First Nation button blanket and headress, I thought it was a somewhat forgettable movie about a career obsessed, narcissistic woman who learns there is more to life than her own wants. ( I enjoy Sandra Bullock's 1995 film, While You Were Sleeping, which is a similar getting-married-on-false-pretenses story, but much easier to take when the protagonist is thrown into a situation which originates from her goodness of heart and extends due to her chronic loneliness.)


Much more interesting was Julie & Julia. Meryl Streep was her usual amazing self, acting from the bottom of her soul, as chef Julia Child, and Amy Adams played Julie, the blogging 29 year old who decides to cook (and blog) her way through the entire Julia Child book Mastering the Art of French Cooking. What struck me about Julie & Julia was the striking contrast between the two main characters of the movie. Julia Child (in her forties in the film) comes across as a wonderful, warm, stable, steady, giving, kind, open and passionate woman, whereas Julie comes across as somewhat lost, entitled, desperate, emotionally volatile, and self-centered. Hmmmm. Both women are married to supportive men and are childless, so what gives?


The Julia Child story is set in the 1960's and the Julie story is set in the early 2000's. Could that, perhaps, have something to do with it? When we discussed the movie the other morning over the long-distance line, my mom said that many women of Julie's generation and the ones following have been given the impression by over-indulgent parents, that life owes them everything and they wait, and get restless and dissatisfied when it doesn't come, and women of her 'children are meant to be seen and rarely heard from' generation, had to go out and work hard for what mattered to them (my mother just retired from a wonderful, 25 year career as a museum director, curator, and archivist). My older sisters thought I was spoiled, and I think, in a way they were right. I was a child of the educationally experimental '70's, and the cute little youngest of six. It took a long time for me to truly grow up, face my responsibilities, and learn to give without counting the cost. I remember, as a young woman, reading John F. Kennedy's famous quote: "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." I was deeply affected by this quote, as if I had never considered such a concept.


It was encouraging to note that the Julie character does grow through her challenge of cooking her way through Mastering the Art of French Cooking. In fact, she says Julia Child saved her. Julie's own mother, appearing only as a voice on the phone or a comment on the blog, doesn't offer much support at all until the end when Julie's blog becomes famous. I'm not sure what Julia Child's parents were like, only that her family seemed close.


The third movie, The Visitor, was a quiet, thoughtful little film about a bored, lonely white man, whose life is changed for the better by three illegal immigrants. The mother in the film, who seems about 50, is a stunningly beautiful Syrian woman, gentle, caring, peaceful, and persevering. It did me good every time she came into the picture...like being with my own mother.


So where am I going with all this? I'm going forth into a new decade, both in time and in my own life. As my daughters, now eight and thirteen, come into their own over the next ten years, I hope they will have enough of an example in me as a mother and as a woman to handle whatever comes their way with sense and sensitivity. They certainly have it in their grandmother.


I found out that the baton thingy I was passed has a condition (of course). I am supposed to write the top 5 highlights of 2009. Thanks Tracey for pointing this out to me. Here goes (in no particular order):

1. My 40th birthday celebrations

2. Attending the U2 concert with my sons and husband in Vancouver after wanting to see the band in person since 1984 (I practically lived my teen years over again that night - well, the good parts, anyway)

3. The family reunion/celebration of my parents' 50th wedding anniversary - and all the music that went with it

4. Starting and managing to continue this blog

5. Hearing my sixteen year old son sing for the first time since he was little, and noting all the familiar tones of four generations of singers in his voice.